this might be irrelevant to everyone and innapropirate for this blog

but maybe someone will relate and not feel like the only one being looked at.

I really wish people wouldn’t stare at my scars everywhere I go.

Your scars don’t show weakness.

They show strength, that after everything you went through you made it out.

Your scars tell a story. Your scars show healing and hope.

It’s really scary when someone cuts themselves. Honestly, people really don’t understand what its like unless you’ve been there. For you to be so angry and upset that you can take it out on yourself. That you can cut yourself open.
People take it so lightly when really its horrifying. It shows how much someone hates themselves. I can’t put in to words the overwhelming feeling there is.

When I cut two weeks ago for the first time in 6 months, it was really bad.  I was usually a surface scratcher. But not this time. The scary part about it is, I didn’t even realize how bad it was. I’ve never cut that deep before and to me while I was doing it, I couldn’t do it enough. I’d go over the same spots again and again.

I woke up the next day with barely any memory of what happened. I believe what I went through that night was so traumatizing that my mind blocked it out.

I was in so much pain I could barely walk and i surely could not sit down like normal or cross my legs.

I literally tore myself apart, my legs were cut wide open, to the point that when I slept there would be blood on the sheets. And when I got put in the hospital I got sat down by the doctor and he told me if I would have cut in the wrong place I could have killed myself with how deep the wounds were. It took almost a week and a half to get them to the point where they would stop busting open and bleeding again.

Now 2 weeks out of it, and starting to feel a lot better. I look at my legs and arms that are still healing, and I realize just how much they are going to scar.

People stare at me when I go out because I look like someone tore me apart. I look psychotic. and that night, I really was. 

It sucks because while I was looking for jobs today I had to wear long sleeves and pants so I wouldn’t be judged. I don’t want people to judge me and think I’m not strong because I am strong to have made it through the horrible shit I’ve pushed myself through, even if I did fall along the way.

And now the scars that I’m going to have are going to be so noticeable that I feel like I will be judged forever. On my pale skin they look purple. It’s repulsive and I just wish people would see how serious of an issue self harm is. 

That I could have died that night from it. That’s a really scary thing, and a very serious thing that needs more attention.

Because I didn’t realize how bad I was until someone told me.

inbox is open for anyone that needs it. xx

Going to check out a treatment center tomorrow, i have to take the steps to recover.

stay strong loves. x

i need someone to talk to, anyone. please message me.

meghandoughertyy.tumblr.com/ask

please please dont be shy, im here with you

This is me, I’m the girl you folloow on here. Those cuts? Those are me too. I get compliments all the time on how beautiful I am, but it doesn’t matter. When you hate yourself you hate yourself, and everyone in the world could come to you and tell you how gorgeous you are but when it comes down to it, the problem is me. the problem is me in my head. I have a disease, it makes me hate myself. I’m a smiley giggly flirty girl. But don’t be confused and think that means im happy. Depression is behind all kinds of places. This girl you saw at the club dancing the night away threw up her whole dinner before she came out in an attempt to be happy and thin one day. She goes home and cries because she feels empty. Everyone loves her, but she doesn’t love herself. and if you dont love yourself, no one elses love means anything

the girl with the smile lays on her bathroom floor in tears covered in blood all down her thighs and arms and she gets furious because shes running out of room for places to cut.

But tomorrow I’ll put my face on and my hair will be done and i’ll look like the perfect pretty girl.

Depression is everywhere. It could be in anyone, don’t let the outward appearance fool you. 

It’s everywhere people have to be helped. This is REALITY.

Lend out a hand we are in this together.

I am so sorry to all of my followers :( you are beautiful people and you are strong. I love you and I don’t want to hurt any of you or trigger you
Please don’t be as weak as me

I have let you lovely people down.
I write this while sitting on my bathroom floor covered in blood
It’s down my legs, it’s down my arms, and I just want to do more
I feel empty
I’m not myself at all right now, this person is not me
It’s like it’s being forced on to me because I deserve it,
I can’t stop
I cut so deep tonight I feel like I may need stitches
Someone help me please
I am so sorry