this might be irrelevant to everyone and innapropirate for this blog
but maybe someone will relate and not feel like the only one being looked at.
I really wish people wouldn’t stare at my scars everywhere I go.
This is me, I’m the girl you folloow on here. Those cuts? Those are me too. I get compliments all the time on how beautiful I am, but it doesn’t matter. When you hate yourself you hate yourself, and everyone in the world could come to you and tell you how gorgeous you are but when it comes down to it, the problem is me. the problem is me in my head. I have a disease, it makes me hate myself. I’m a smiley giggly flirty girl. But don’t be confused and think that means im happy. Depression is behind all kinds of places. This girl you saw at the club dancing the night away threw up her whole dinner before she came out in an attempt to be happy and thin one day. She goes home and cries because she feels empty. Everyone loves her, but she doesn’t love herself. and if you dont love yourself, no one elses love means anything
the girl with the smile lays on her bathroom floor in tears covered in blood all down her thighs and arms and she gets furious because shes running out of room for places to cut.
But tomorrow I’ll put my face on and my hair will be done and i’ll look like the perfect pretty girl.
Depression is everywhere. It could be in anyone, don’t let the outward appearance fool you.
It’s everywhere people have to be helped. This is REALITY.
Lend out a hand we are in this together.
Love yourself FIRST and everything else falls into place - Lucille Ball
Source: ‘Positive Outlooks’ facebook page
“I was found.”
I know that I have had really hard times in my life. I know that when I was younger we were poor. We were even homeless at one point and had to live with friends. Before we lived with friends we lived in this shack of a house and me and my two brothers had to share one bed in this tiny room. I never looked at it as a bad thing. My family seemed happy. We were more grateful for the smallest things. I know how it feels to be the poor kid. I remember when I was little when we would go to the store, we knew to not ask for anything. I remember the first time that my dad got a good job. We were at the mall and for the first time we were allowed to pick something out. Even though we were poor, we were still happy.
I never talk about being homeless. Its not that I’m embarrassed of it because I’m not. I just don’t think many people would understand. I still don’t like asking for things. I don’t like when people buy me stuff because of how I grew up. That’s why when my birthday comes up and everyone is asking me what I want, I say that I want homemade gifts because they mean more to me. So when I was about 12 or 13 my parents finally started making pretty good money and they wanted to get us all this nice stuff, but I didn’t want it. I felt that I didn’t need it. There is a big difference between wanting and needing. I think most kids now don’t understand the difference between the two.
There came a point when my parents fought so much and I had to be the parent to my 2 younger siblings. My parents were always gone and when they were home they fought nonstop. I remember my dad coming to pick me up from liv it (youth group) and he wasn’t talking to me. I thought that I was in trouble, but when I got home there were holes in the walls and things thrown everywhere. I was used to seeing holes in the walls, but this was different. The feeling of my home was different. I walked into my brothers room and my mom was on the floor crying and she has red marks all over her. My dad choked my mom that night… I couldn’t even look at him. My mom has always been with abusing men. It sucks too because two of these men are men I’m suppose to trust. My biological father was going to kill me, my mom, and my brother one night when we were driving.
Before my parents got divorced I went to a friends house and she had an older brother and we were all watching a movie and my friend went to sleep so I went to her room to get my phone and when I turned around her brother was standing in the doorway and he shut the door.. He tried to rape me that night. The last thing I said before it was stopped was “God, please just help me. Stop this God please.” and it stopped. I was also in an abusive relationship. He cheated on me and hit me. I listen to a man who I looked at as an uncle kill himself. I heard him shoot himself in the head. I heard his girlfriend screaming for him to come back and then screaming for me to help.
- almost raped
But through all of that I was found.
- I found hope
- I found love
- I found joy
- I found strength
- I found courage
- I found forgiveness
- I found GOD
I’m finding who I’m suppose to be through Christ. Yeah, I’m going through a lot right now, but don’t expect to see me give up anytime soon. I have been through so much in my life. A lot more than what is just in this post, but I’m going to continue to pray. I’m going to continue to love everyone and love my Lord and Savior. I know that bad things happen, but God will get us through it. There is no question about that. There is nothing that he wont get you through. God will bring you out of hell and into bliss.
Trust me I know because He brought me out of such a dark place. He has guided me and blessed me to be able to reach out to new people and help them get through things that I have been through. So don’t think that there is no hope because hope is within Christ and you will find that hope when you seek Him. And when I say seek I don’t mean that you have to be perfect and have nothing wrong with you. I mean that He is right there and holding out his hand for you to grab and its your choice to grab it or not. Its not God holding up the wall. For seek him and your life with change I promise. There is nothing that he can’t get you through. I love all of you guys and if you ever need anything PLEASE let me know.
121 million people worldwide suffer from depression.
18 million of these cases are happening in the United States.
Between 20% and 50% of children and teens struggling with depression have a family history of this struggle and the offspring of depressed parents are more than three times as likely to suffer from depression.
Depression often co-occurs with anxiety disorders and substance abuse, with 30% of teens with depression also developing a substance abuse problem.
2/3 of those suffering from depression never seek treatment.
Untreated depression is the number one cause of suicide, and suicide is the third leading cause of death among teenagers.
Let’s make a change.