Going to check out a treatment center tomorrow, i have to take the steps to recover.

stay strong loves. x

i need someone to talk to, anyone. please message me.

meghandoughertyy.tumblr.com/ask

please please dont be shy, im here with you

This is me, I’m the girl you folloow on here. Those cuts? Those are me too. I get compliments all the time on how beautiful I am, but it doesn’t matter. When you hate yourself you hate yourself, and everyone in the world could come to you and tell you how gorgeous you are but when it comes down to it, the problem is me. the problem is me in my head. I have a disease, it makes me hate myself. I’m a smiley giggly flirty girl. But don’t be confused and think that means im happy. Depression is behind all kinds of places. This girl you saw at the club dancing the night away threw up her whole dinner before she came out in an attempt to be happy and thin one day. She goes home and cries because she feels empty. Everyone loves her, but she doesn’t love herself. and if you dont love yourself, no one elses love means anything

the girl with the smile lays on her bathroom floor in tears covered in blood all down her thighs and arms and she gets furious because shes running out of room for places to cut.

But tomorrow I’ll put my face on and my hair will be done and i’ll look like the perfect pretty girl.

Depression is everywhere. It could be in anyone, don’t let the outward appearance fool you. 

It’s everywhere people have to be helped. This is REALITY.

Lend out a hand we are in this together.

I am so sorry to all of my followers :( you are beautiful people and you are strong. I love you and I don’t want to hurt any of you or trigger you
Please don’t be as weak as me

I have let you lovely people down.
I write this while sitting on my bathroom floor covered in blood
It’s down my legs, it’s down my arms, and I just want to do more
I feel empty
I’m not myself at all right now, this person is not me
It’s like it’s being forced on to me because I deserve it,
I can’t stop
I cut so deep tonight I feel like I may need stitches
Someone help me please
I am so sorry

It’s time I open up about something I’ve kept a secret for 2 years now. Even when I was in counseling and went to rehab I kept it a secret just because it hasn’t been something I’ve been willing to give up. I don’t post about it on anything, ever. Just because I really don’t want people that know me personally to look at me different because of it. And because in my head it’s so twisted that I don’t think I deserve the title till I’m in the hospital. I’m pretty sure some personal people still follow me on here so I’m questioning even posting it on here. But I think it could help some people so it will be worth it.

I’ve been dealing with an eating disorder on and off again for the past 2 years. Recently it’s started back up much stronger than ever before. It’s driving me crazy. I can’t ever eat like normal anymore. I can’t remember the last time I ate a full meal, it was at least a month ago. Now when I eat I just pick at everything. Because otherwise when I eat I just run straight in to a bathroom and get rid of as much of it as I can. Which is really a task for me because I don’t have much of a gag reflex so it turns into a really bad sore throat that my family can hear that I have no explanation for. It’s tearing me up, my weight controls my mood completely and it fluctuates so much from all the fasting and then trying to eat again. Once I lose weight it comes straight back so I kick myself for keeping up with this because I know it’s not going to do anything but it’s engraved in my head now. Any time I eat anything the calorie number is all I can think about and how I don’t want to go over the 500 mark for the day, and when I do I just cry, get angry, or at times even cut again. And I can’t stand when people bring up that I don’t eat enough or am starving myself and thats why I won’t lose weight and try to tell me ways to do it because they don’t understand how this way that i’ve fallen in to is stuck in my head. It’s my every though of every day. And I want to get better but I don’t even see that being possible because it’s just too much guilt and i’ll just look at my reflection in complete disgust and wish I could get back to my weight before my last recovery. I just don’t want to talk to my mom and dad about this because then they’ll worry about me and try to do the thing everyone else does and just try to force food down my throat which will throw me in to a tail spin and do even more harm than good. And I’m dreading thanksgiving tomorrow because we’re going to two dinners

and I just don’t want to be fat anymore. I want to feel pretty and feel self worth. But I don’t even know how to recover and get this voice out of my head. It always comes back. If anyone wants to talk, send me a message and I’ll point you to my personal tumblr or share my number. I’d rather talk to someone who doesn’t know me and won’t look at me like a sick monster.